Before and After Pt. 1

This is not something off of "Extreme Home Makeover," but over the past year or so we have done quite a bit work to the outside of our house, so I wanted to share some pictures with you. I am an idiot and forgot to take an actual "before" picture, but I found this picture of our house in 2002, so it works.

Our house in 2002.

This is a winter pic with the grass still dormant and the flowers not yet blooming, but it shows what I have been up to latley. My frined Randy and I tore out the existing cement walkway and I added a flagstone walk as well as the new "big" garden bed. I just recently planted the trees and plants a few weeks ago and plan to add a few more things to fill it out a bit.

Another view of the garden. Hope you enjoy the pics.

Light Drums

R-I-S-K

Last Sunday at church a guy named Brian Blount spoke about what is happening right now in the Kingdom in Oklahoma City. It was one of the most encouraging and challenging times I have had lately and it has brought on more thoughts throughout this week. Basically he was talking about the reality of God and how good He is. A few weeks ago there was a weekend event in OKC called Harvest Fest where a bunch of churches got together to love and serve the community and Brian shared many stories about he and a group going through some of the poorest areas of town praying for people and seeing God show up in amazing ways bringing both healings and salvations.

For me it was a story of a group of people with boldness who really believed that they had “Good News” to share. They just went out and went for it. They asked if they could pray for people, they shared the story of Jesus and a loving God, and as they prayed over people, God healed them!! Salvation happened!! Lives were changed!!

Now that is encouraging stuff, and it actually sounds really easy doesn’t it? But that morning as I was listening and even now I still feel nauseous when I think about walking up to someone and asking to pray and share Jesus. I doubt whether or not Jesus would really heal the people I would pray for. (for the record I did go up and recieve prayer over those feelings). I have prayed for lots of people and have never seen instant healing. I have seen things that I have prayed for come to pass in time, but never that instant healing. I have tried, but I guess it was just not in His timing to heal right when I prayed. So unfortunately I feel doubt when I think about going and doing it. I know that part of it is fear of man and wondering what people would think and that is total BS, because it should not matter. The only thing that should matter is obedience to what I feel God is calling me to do whether it is in the grocery store or restaurant or church. He is in control of my reputation, not me.

Brian talked about how you spell the word “faith” as R-I-S-K. I have heard that statement before and always thought of it as a Christian cliché, but this time it really got me thinking about how much I do not risk in my faith. A risk is walking up to someone with a cane and telling them that God is going to heal them today. That is really laying it on the line, putting it all on God and then just trusting and having faith that He will come and heal. I have prayed for people that were sick before, but I usually just ask God to heal them and hope that at some point they will start getting better, but I have never gone into that situation and risked it all and told that person “God is going to heal you right now so let’s pray.” I think I have never done that because I have no idea whether God is going to heal that person or not….how am I to know the thoughts of God and His plans? I want that confidence and I want that risking faith. I want to trust that God is going to come move, but when I am honest I have to say that I am not sure it will happen.

All in all I guess I just want a deeper faith to believe that He is going to move through me. I want to have fearless confidence and boldness in sharing the “Good News.” I want to be able to risk things and put them on God’s plate and trust Him to do what He knows is best. I want to hear His voice as He speaks and be obedient to what I hear. I really do want this stuff and I want a deeper faith that the kingdom of God is active and moving all around us.

Stuck in a Stage

I allowed myself to admit something the other day that has been true for some time, but I have always pushed it aside. It is something that always comes up when I see a friend or aquaintence and they ask "How have things been?" or "What have you been up to latley?" I think to myself and then answer the same thing every time...."Things are good, not much new going on, just working all day and going home." That seems to pretty much sum up my life over the last 6 months. Same old stuff. Sure there are other things going on from time to time, we are a part of a house church and d-group as well as church on Sunday morning, but it all just feels like a cycle, a rythem where everything is running a little too smooth. Everyday is predictable.

I thank God for the life he has given me, I do not want to complain about it whatsoever becasue I am so blessed, but I guess I just do not feel challenged by many things. I am too comfortable and settled in my life and I feel stuck in this stage.

I also feel that the change that I sense needs to happen is not something that has to do with my circumstances (work, church, relationships etc.), but it has to do with my heart and the way I am choosing to live. I am choosing to be as comfortable as possible and as lazy as I can get away with becasue I think that is what I want, but all it has done is give birth to this viscious cycle that I feel stuck in. A self-obsessed cycle where I am king and what I say goes. It looks silly when I type that, but there is some truth to it.

I do not have all the answers, but I am praying for change in my heart. I also do not want to continue to bash myself over things that I feel are not quite right becasue I know we all have those things in our lives. God has deposited so many good things in my life and I really am trying my best to live them out. I guess what I am feeling right now is just a sense of a change that needs to take place and He needs to do it in me. You can only get stuck if you stay in the same place to long, so I believe it is time to take a step foward and trust.