Feeling Good and Feeling Restless

It has been a while since my last post and not too much new has been happening. I have now lost almost 30 lbs and feel better than I have in years. I am eating better and actually starting to get a little exercise. I have been riding my bike a little bit and doing a few more sit-ups in preparation for our Mexico trip in about 6 weeks. Physically I am at a place that I have wanted to be at over the past 6 years or so, but never had the motivation to get with the program and drop the weight. I am feeling good, and happy that I have been able to make good decisions for my life and health.

Spiritually I cannot say the same thing. I am still in the place of wanting things that I am not willing to get motivated about and go after. Call it a dry season if you will. It is not that I do not feel God moving at all, which is how most people would describe a dry time, but it is that I feel him moving too much and it is making me uncomfortable. Weird I know. It is a dry time becasue I am making it dry, not becasue God is not speaking. I am battling with my faith right now when it comes to prayer for healing and prayer for change, basically any prayer for movement. I have no idea why my faith seems so weak right now, and after all these years of walking with Jesus and reading the Word I can honestly say I have never felt this clueless as to the ways of God. I feel like I know nothing. Who knows, maybe that is a good place to be, but I am having a hard time understanding it. I am having a hard time fighting off lies and going after the things I know He has called me to. I think I am scarred, which I hate to admit, but I am FULL of the fear of man and what they will think of my crazy belief in this unseen God. What will the lady at the counter think if I tell her God loves her, and the waiter or waitress when I tell them that Jesus is real. I have no idea how they will react and I think that terrifies me. So, I operate really well within my church family and with my friends that know my heart, but out on the streets where it really counts I feel like a complete coward. I am at a place where i have to ask myself if I really even believe all this Jesus stuff (which I completely do) and if so, why am I not yelling it from the top of my lungs every chance God gives me? It is just stupid the way I operate.

I want to be free of pride and free of fear and I trust Jesus to do it, but I feel completely lost right now as to how I am going to get there. Until then life still feels like it is going around in circles and I am getting sick of it. I am ready for something new. I am restless. As Lance always says, the best prayer we can ever pray is "Jesus, Help Me." So....Jesus, Help me!

Before and After Pt. 2

Since January 1st, I have lost approx 22 lbs. The first pic is from our Christmas card and the second pic is from March 29th. It has been 3 months of eating a lot better and just watching portion sizes. I have not really been working out, except for an occasional basketball game. Only problem with all this is that I now have to buy new pants, oh well, I guess I will take it.